Photo by Alexander Grey on Unsplash
I recently ended my seven-month relationship for a variety of reasons, none of which I will get into here. At this point, I see no use in public finger pointing or the endless back and forth of he-said-she-said bickering. Suffice it to say that I notice some negative patterns emerging, and when I asked for accountability I was disappointed.
The breakup was one third of a bullshit trifecta that brought my depression back to life. In addition to longer speaking to my ex, my work contract ended and the three jobs I had interviewed for did not end in any job offers, so I am effectively unemployed again and back in the hell that is job hunting.
Amid my bullshit trifecta, I have often found myself playing “Gonna Die Alone” by Hanni El Khatib, which I first heard at the end of an episode of Loudermilk and immediately bought off iTunes. I’ve found myself thinking a lot about the idea of being “alone”. When I listen to the song, I often think of the question posed by Samantha Irby in her first book, Meaty. I’ve listened to all of Irby’s books in audio version, primarily because her acerbic wit comes across so clearly in her own narration. The question (and essay title) I’m referring to is “Would Dying Alone Really be so Terrible?” I’m not convinced that it would be. And frankly, the concept of “dying alone” implies that the only truly significant relationships in our lives – the ones that really matter – are romantic in nature. As if the deep platonic friendships we form and the family ties (blood and/or chosen) somehow pale in comparison to the so-called big “L” Love of romance. But this kind of love has let me down so many times, proving itself fleeting as spring crocuses, while the other relationships in my life have been stronger and more permanent.
I mourned the loss of my ex-best friend for a full decade, so profound was the loss. So why aren’t we putting more importance on the people who are our ride or dies, who have stood by us through innumerable heartbreaks, failures and successes? And why are we pretending that death itself isn’t a purely solo journey, one that cannot be undertaken as a group activity? In short, the song brings up a lot of questions for me, though that is not the focus of this essay.
Instead of asking questions about the universe for which I currently have no answers, I’d rather talk about how I’m dealing with this most recent depressive episode. My primary method of dealing with these feelings in the here and now is the Gen-Z idea of the “little treat,”1 defined by me as a smallish purchase made to bring a modicum of pleasure to one’s life, in an effort to stave off the demons of reality just a little longer. The little treat acts as a temporary reprieve from the horrors of a worsening world, where the act living itself is being priced out of an ever-increasing number of budgets. My little treat is not fancy coffee or avocado toast - those two tired clichés that are pulled out as the supposed reason millennials are doing so poorly - but books.
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Even though I am living off my dwindling savings, I allow myself this one source of joy. I have two rules for my little treat habit. First, I can only buy one book at a time (unless I am going away for a while, in which case this rule is flexible). Second, I must finish the current book in its entirety before starting a new one; I will not fall prey to an ever-expanding TBR pile. And still, because I am living off my savings, I know that many people will look down on my indulgence as unnecessary. The idea being that if I saved my money instead of buying something that brings me joy, I would be better prepared for my future. As if the retirement plan of the bulk of my peers weren’t “die on the job in my geriatric years.”
There seems to be a misconception among the older generation that times haven’t drastically changed. In the boomer era, for instance, many families could afford a house, at least one car, and multiple children on a single income. College was more affordable, interest rates were much higher on savings accounts, and the world wasn’t literally on fire each and every summer. Additionally, there is a lack of acknowledgement that the people who were voted into power by the majority systematically dismantled support services and pushed society further towards neoliberalism, thus elevating capitalism and profits to a god-like status.
Despite this, I am not here to point my finger accusingly at boomers and yell, “LOOK WHAT YOU DID.” Because, as with the avocado toast example, painting an entire generation with the same brush is not helpful. There has always been opposition to the powers that be and groups fighting for people over profit, equity, and peace. I am simply asking for some understanding from the boomers as to why an increasingly desperate generation might find refuge in small comforts while they are still available to us.
And as much as I’d like to put my faith in the government, I’ve seen too much evidence that “the people” are not on any priority list. Politicians appear to be fully invested in only one thing: ensuring their own prosperity through future career opportunities by pushing forward the interests of the big businesses that can offer them cushy jobs (when their constituents get so fed up that they vote them out of office).
Instagram post by @fallenpinestudio3
Right now, Biden is helping to fund a systematic genocide of the Palestinian people. And while Trump is also awful, politics has effectively become a game of “who is the least-worst option?” In a world where we are still debating whether climate change is real rather than accepting it as a reality and actually doing something about it, where fascism is creeping back into power, and people are being burned alive in refugee camps, the collective grief and despair can be overwhelming. Thus, the fact that so many of us microdose escapism through our little treats does not feel outrageous to me.
But at the end of the day, little treats are just a Band-Aid on an arterial bleed. Change needs to happen. We are desperate for a chance as a species, and we need to keep fighting and taking action to push change. Voting feels so useless some days, and I personally dread the seemingly inevitable prospect of having increasingly unhinged conservative leaders in power, but I will still vote.
It has felt for some time that we are on the cusp of something big. We have been teetering on that knife edge of explosive change, but the spark never quite catches. However, there have been ripples. The George Floyd uprising, the “Me Too” movement, and quiet quitting are examples of pushing back against the status quo of white supremacy, sexism, and capitalism. Trans rights are also coming to the fore, and although we see immense pushback on any issue that signals the progression of society, perhaps that pushback is a sign that what we’re doing is working.
I was listening to a podcast recently where the host was discussing her journey fighting OCD. She has been using exposure therapy to fight her illness, and recently told her therapist that now that she was getting better, the OCD was getting louder and more desperate. The therapist said that she should celebrate this, because it meant that the illness was losing and making a final bid to recover lost ground.
Perhaps that is what is happening now. Maybe the rise of Trumpism, fascism, and hate is the last gasp of a dying empire. Or maybe the fight is really just beginning – I am no Nostradamus. What I do know is that we all find our own ways to survive and cope with the present-day circumstances. Ultimately, this essay is in defence of little treats and revolution. In other words, the ways that we find to survive another day in this world are valid. But ultimately, we need to look beyond our own individual needs to those of the community. Fight like the world is on fire, because it is. Stand up for something bigger than yourself and don’t lose hope. Because losing hope will signal the end of the fight, and I feel like we have a few punches left to throw.
https://www.foodandwine.com/little-treat-culture-explained-8647164#:~:text=Much%20as%20millennials%20stand%20accused,malaise%20of%20the%20current%20moment.
https://www.reddit.com/r/adhdmeme/comments/1bi3e5b/its_truly_the_only_way_things_get_done_round_here/